I could not resist. I had to share these. I read them on Quora and roared with laughter. Because they also are so close to the truth, maybe I should have cried.
“Donald Trump and Barack Obama ended up at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn nasty. As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. But Donald was quick to stop him, jokingly saying, “No thanks. My wife, Melania, will smell that and think I’ve been in a brothel.” The second barber turned to Barack and said, “How about you, Mr. Obama?” Barack replied, “Go right ahead, my wife Michelle doesn’t know what the inside of a brothel smells like.” – Jeff Kelley, Pint glass political philosopher
God asks Bush: “What do you believe in?”
Bush answers: “I believe in the free market, and the strong American nation!”
“Very well”, says God. “Come sit to my right.”
Next, God asks Obama: “What do you believe in?”
Obama answers: “I believe in the power of democracy, and equal rights for all.”
“Good”, says God. “You shall sit to my left.”
Finally, God asks Trump: “What do you believe in?”
Trump answers: “I believe you’re sitting in my chair.” – Brad Jensen
Trump and Hillary go into a bakery on the campaign trail. Hillary steals three pastries and puts them in her pocket.
Hillary: “See? No one noticed and I don’t even need to lie. That’s how I’ll win.”
Trump: “No, Crooked Hillary. I’ll show you an honest way.”
Donald goes to the baker: “Give me a pastry and I’ll show you a magic trick.”
The baker gives him a pastry. Trump eats it and asks for another one. The owner gives him another one. Then Donald asks for a third pastry and eats that, too.
The baker: “Where the magic trick?”
Trump: “Look in Hillary’s pockets.” – Oleg Atbashian